Christina Rosalie 9/30/05 Christina Rosalie 9/30/05

Survived: 7 hours in the car and a new camera

We're visiting the inlaws in New Jersey, and made our way by starlight this morning down along open highways to get here around noon. Seven hours, give or take, and Bean survived. So much to post about--perhaps tomorrow when we have leisure time and Bean's grandparents are doting on him. Noteworthy: we purchased a new Cannon EOS 20D. It takes amazing pictures and yesterday, walking around town trying out the exquisitly rapid shutter speed and the lovely zoom lense, I was giddy beyond belief. Click on the photo below for a slideshow sampling of the pictures we took.

Christina Rosalie 9/29/05 Christina Rosalie 9/29/05

Yummy

See his tongue?? He tries to stand now, all of the time. Munching on the edges of the coffee table, chairs, our knees. His little wobbly legs push him up frantically, his feet tipy-toed. He sways about like a drunk with a hula hoop.

Time to move everything another level up. The surface of the coffee table, no longer safe from little grabbing hands.

Christina Rosalie 9/21/05 Christina Rosalie 9/21/05

Gravity

Things go BANG and BUMP and BOOM when they fall. Over and over again.

Christina Rosalie 9/10/05 Christina Rosalie 9/10/05

The places he gets to now

Did I mention, he's a CRAWLING TERROR? Yeah, well, he is. He has officially figured out how to crawl, and it's so adorable and miraculous the way he slaps each little hand down on the floor with determination as he moves forwards. And totally terrifying. Because he does things like get stuck under chairs now. And the other day, I found him up to his elbows in the cat's water bowl--which took him -3 seconds to get to. But the good thing is, because he's finally crawling for real, his night time routine seems to have settled down again--no more 'milestone wake ups.' And this morning, the incredible happened. He snuggled in with us after playing for a little while when he woke up at 6am, and WENT BACK TO SLEEP. We got to sleep in this morning people. Do you know how amazing this is??? We slept until 9am, and then went to the local market to buy breakfast and sit in the sun. So lovely.

Christina Rosalie 9/7/05 Christina Rosalie 9/7/05

Almost a package of candels old

I made a flourless chocolate and vanilla cake from a recipie I found here. It was divine.

Christina Rosalie 9/3/05 Christina Rosalie 9/3/05

What happens when I paint with Bean in my lap

Gel medium paste gets in his hair.

Christina Rosalie 8/29/05 Christina Rosalie 8/29/05

lady bug

Just now, just at midnight, a lady bug landed on a piece of mail I had finished addressing. I'll take it as a sign for something. Not sure what. Yet.

Christina Rosalie 8/28/05 Christina Rosalie 8/28/05

At the beach today

Christina Rosalie 8/22/05 Christina Rosalie 8/22/05

Us, now

Christina Rosalie 8/20/05 Christina Rosalie 8/20/05

Where I walk

Christina Rosalie 8/13/05 Christina Rosalie 8/13/05

i love rhinos

This was bolted to a parking sign on the way to the waterfront in the city where I live. I don't know who painted it, but I was delighted and inspired. There were several other installments on other signs--done aparently on wood with permanent marker and paint.

Christina Rosalie 8/8/05 Christina Rosalie 8/8/05

Sweet summer

Christina Rosalie 8/7/05 Christina Rosalie 8/7/05

Finding my place

We went for a short hike yesterday along a river through the wetlands and a mixed-wood forest. The ground felt springy and damp from the previous day's rain, padded with needles from pines and spruces. Mushrooms, lined the trail, among the punky rotting trunks of fallen logs. Cattails grew thickly in the bogs, and the in the fields Purple Loosestrife and Queen Anne's Lace and Goldenrod.

It was Bean's first time in the Sherpani backpack we got for him. And his eyes were wide as DH moved along the trail under low hanging branches, past bright berried bushes, and overgrown thickets of ferns. We want him to grow up with the deep love for the outdoors that we share. We want him to grow up feeling like he belongs to the earth: that he is a part of it, not separate from the wildness of the beaver or the dragonfly.

Walking in the woods always fills me with a certain reverence. Watching mallards move across murky pond water, or fawns picking their way silently like shadows amongst the trunks of trees helps me to find my place again. Lines from Mary Oliver's poem rise up in my mind, like the bubble trails left by beavers.

As I walk along behind DH and Bean, noticing the muddy path, the sweet air, the zing of mayflies and the deep washboard croak of the bullfrog, it is easier to remember to be gentle with myself. The dappled sunlight and smooth water make it easier to locate stillness in my being. To suck in big gulps of air and feel grateful.

I've been contemplating gratitude lately. Contemplating what it means to live with an awareness for the immense gift of life, despite the turmoil of it. Gratitude for good food and health and joy---but also gratitude for loss and complication and confusion. I've been working on the piece about my father again, and was astounded last night to realize that I've written probably six or seven different drafts and nearly twenty single spaced pages. I am trying now to gather them up, and turn them into something that speaks to others, that gives in it's telling something more than a story of grief.