I woke up with a crazy tension headache: the kind that makes everything seem like it the world should be painted in shades of pale blue. Made mint tea and sugar toast, and still I felt like crying. The sun is out this morning though the ground is soft from too much rain. I am trying, trying so hard to will myself up off the couch and head outdoors with Bean to plant things in the garden, or take a walk with the camera, or even go upstairs and paint something, but so far all I can do is sit here feeling like a collection of glass shards in a paper sack
Bean is playing ‘hospital’ by himself in a nook across the living room. “I have to see if your heart is bumping mama,†he says with a pretend stethoscope in hand.
I turn away so he cannot see my eyes, suddenly hot with tears.