Yesterday I woke up with a sore throat and spent the day mostly trying to sleep with an almost-toddler who wanted to mostly NOT SLEEP. This involved several low points in parenting, including DH and I getting on each other's last nerve, while Bean pulled CD after CD of the shelf and let it go shattering onto the floor. We did manage to resuscitate the evening somewhat, with a trip to Barns & Noble where we drank tea and leafed through the most recent celeb gossip magazines. (Yes, I do that. Shamelessly.) We also poked through a tile store with the most exquisite handmade tile, and I grabbed several leaflets showcasing exotic glazes and mosaicsâ€”thinking I might use them as ephemera for collages.
But last night was mostly like an extension of the more tedious moments of yesterday---with Bean nuzzling up against my face, as if he needed very air I exhaled on his cheek to believe I was there. The minute I got up to pee he began wailing so fiercely, you'd believe that I had left him in the woods surrounded by a pack of wild dogs, rather than in DH's big strong arms.
Now Iâ€™ve got him occupied with various kitchen containers and blocks, but this was only after a meltdown of mammoth proportions that involved the proverbial river of snot and much gnashing of teeth. Itâ€™s sure to last all of five minutes before he makes his way back to directly underfoot. Where heâ€™ll stand clenching my leg and whining plaintively, before he melts entirely into a little angry puddle on the floor. Iâ€™m such a fuzzy headed wimp when Iâ€™m sick. I have two deadlines Iâ€™ve been procrastinating on and I suddenly canâ€™t imagine meeting them. I canâ€™t imagine staying awake or thinking anything cogent long enough to meet them.
Iâ€™ll leave you on a high note though. The Artistâ€™s Way this week asks you to think about five lives you would live if you were not living your own. At first I had a very hard time answering this, because I LIKE living my life. Most days (when Iâ€™m not sniveling and sick) I like who I am becoming and love who Iâ€™ve decided to travel this road of becoming with. Iâ€™m passionate about the things Iâ€™ve chosenâ€”writing, and art and teaching, even on the days when I feel like Iâ€™ll never really amount to anything in any one of those fields. But, if I had to pick, here is what Iâ€™d beâ€”or whose life I would live:
â€¢ A homeopathic OBGYN/Family Practice Doctor â€¢ A photographer for National Geographic â€¢ Barbara Kingsolver â€¢ Scarlett Johansson â€¢ Mary Oliver
Of course, the AW also tells you to figure out some way to do something that lives out even the very smallest part of one of those lives, but I'm too blurry to think creatively at the moment. Instead, I'll put it on you: What would you be? Or who?