The last few weeks of summer before the start of the school year make me feel like a tumbleweed; aimless and windblown, with so many things up in the air, and without the routine of work. I laugh, realizing that Iâ€™ve arrived at this point: ready to go back. I miss a routine, even though Iâ€™m not good at exacting one upon my cantaloupe eating summer days. Over the vactation Iâ€™ve managed to slow down enough, unwind enough, to start missing the days of waking up early to sip something warm and write before heading off to work. Now more than ever I need that structure. I need to get started on the forty pages Iâ€™ll be exchanging with my writing group in December, and starting this week Iâ€™ll also be posting over at Parent Dish.
I like the tingly feeling I get contemplating how with each progressive step Iâ€™m sinking more deeply into my commitment towards writing. And also, trepidation.
Thereâ€™s no better way to get started than to simply sit down and get started, this much I know. But I have a particularly hard time with this. Introductions. First days. First words on the page. First weeks of a new routine. The beginning of anything is something that time sets me on edge and makes me resistant. I drag my feet. Think up every reason in not to jump in. And then, invariably, I finally do.
But what is it about starting thatâ€™s so hard? Thereâ€™s something in those first moments thatâ€™s raw and unpredictable. Itâ€™s an act of throwing yourself off the cliff, of leaping into the blue space of air and unknown. My heart thuds in my chest when I sit down, poised, ready, my fingers hovering above the keys. Does this happen to anyone else?