Urnalizing / by Christina Rosalie

Alas. One day he will be big enough to use a urnal. In preparation for this event, I've done extensive research on the subject. What follows are a few directions to hopefully help him navigate that complex, highly technical piece of machinery. 1. Aim. 2. Go where you aim. Do NOT go on the floor or the surrounding walls. 3. Do not shake dry on the floor or surrounding walls. 4. Flush. 5. Please for the love of god, wash your hands. 6. Zip up before exiting .

I know, sounds easy, right? I think so too.

Except every time I use a unisex bathroom (or slip into the mens room because the line for the lady's is immeasurably longer than my blader's capacity is big,) the floor invariably has a sticky yellow trail edging downhill from the general direction of the urnal. What is up with that? Do you guys LIKE that sticky feeling on the soles of your shoes, and that horseflies-in-summer stench? Or is it really more complicated than I imagine?

Moving on.

Except really, we're not. Because all things potty have become central to our daily lives here at casa mytopography. On good days this involves much cheering and hoopla for a job well done on: prior notifcation, proper underware removal, etc. However, there are the other days when Bean thinks it's particularly intreguing to hide, in say, the central island cupboard, while pooping in his underpants. And then there is still his all consuming affection of going outdoors, which he does on his own, whenever he can--except that he can't quite tilt his hips in the right direction so it likely goes all over the bib of his overalls or the waist of his jeans. Clearly there is more to this than meets the eye, people. But I can't quite figure out what I'm missing here. Alas.