My sister is here, from across the country, and she's brought a good vibe with her. Aside from being a saint---making exquisite food, plying me with yummy wine, and bathing my kid, she's also given me some space to unfurl a little. To talk, to feel safe, to unscramble. She's perceptive and determined and encouraging, and it's been just what I've needed: to soak up her affection, knowing that she gets me in a different way than anyone else does. And maybe because I've allowed myself to let go just a little, and let my guard down just a twinge, all sorts of good omens have come my way regarding grad school.
Whenever I'm contemplating big ideas or changes for my life, I sort of send out a universal query, before I wholly commit. Then I wait to see what the universe says. In this case, I got a big YES from four different sources yesterday, and that made me feel good. So good. So I'm trusting that I'll get all the pieces figured out and get the applications sent in on time. Trusting that my life will take me where it needs to go.
It's been the first time in a long while that I've felt like things were going to be okay. And therein lies the lesson: let go just a little and trust. See what happens.